§ Hockey
Dear hockey fan, Please join me in cringing with a general sense of imminent humiliation over NHL Wunderkind commissioner Gary Bettman’s latest attempt to market the game. According to ESPN, NHL uniforms are soon going to be modernized: The NHL will break with tradition next season by ushering in a new, streamlined uniform that blends fashion with functionality, commissioner Gary... more
§ Canucks
Dear Dave Nonis, This offseason, please breakup the current roster of the Vancouver Canucks. While the team was once an entertaining powerhouse in the Pacific Northwest, I think it’s now fair to say that this group of players is done. I’ve waited until after the playoff just to make sure that I wasn’t merely frustrated that the team missed the... more
§ Hockey
Big surprise, Dick Pound is in the news again. Yet, while most outspoken doomsayers in the sports world are just egotistical nitwits, Dick Pound is just clever enough to get attention because: He is the only Canadian to have travelled nearly all the way up the IOC totem poll (and then plummet downwards). He is responsible in large part for... more
§ Hockey
ESPN reports that Dave “Say you love me and mean it!” Frost has finally resigned as a player agent: David Frost, the man who was the center of a murder-for-hire plot by former NHLer Mike Danton, resigned as an NHL player agent on Tuesday. “Dave Frost has resigned as an NHLPA Certified Agent. The NHLPA will make no further comment... more
§ Hockey
I’m not sure which facts about Keith Tkachuk’s suspension due to being overweight are the most amusing: That the embarrassment to Tkachuk will be much worse now that the NHL players union has filed a grievance on his behalf. That the players union will need to now argue either that weight is not a significant factor affecting a player’s performance... more
§ Hockey
If you want to know why hockey has a hard time penetrating US markets, the CBC’s report of an organized Goon Show may lend a clue: A group of past and present pro hockey players plan to battle it out on the ice at an event in Prince George in August, but without the stick and pucks. The players, all... more
§ Hockey
In a surprising move, play-by-play announcer Chris Cuthbert has been axed by CBC sports. The Globe and Mail suggests the firing may be related to a simmering feud within the normally boring CBC hierarchy: Nancy Lee, the head of CBC Sports, terminated Cuthbert’s contract on Tuesday, citing budget cuts caused by the cancellation of the NHL season. She described her... more
§ Hockey
Damned Flamers… Oh well, the nice thing about this irritating playoff beard is that it gives me something to talk about besides the Vancouver Canucks’ recent series loss to the Calgary Flames. So instead of delving any further into the bitterness of this second-straight season with a game seven loss on home-ice, let’s talk facial hair. I Shaved, I Grew,... more
§ Hockey
And so it begins... The Stanley Cup playoffs are here and women all across Canada have a new reason to blanch at the male faces in their lives. As I've said before, the playoff beard is not about hockey per se. No, it's about a man's Cro-Magnon instinct to shag--urm, I mean that in the non-british sense. So, go shave... more
§ Canucks
Yes, Todd Bertuzzi has been suspended for the duration of the 03/04 regular season and playoffs as well. It's difficult to argue with the suitability of his punishment. But, there are two ways to deal with this if you are a Canucks fan: h3. The Quick Method Pretend that Todd Bertuzzi has a broken leg, torn ACL or whatever other... more