ABOYNE (vb.) To beat an expert at a game of skill by playing so appallingly that none of his clever tactics or strategies are of any use to him.
—The Meaning of Liff, Douglas Adams & John Lloyd 1983

The only defence I can offer Raiders coach Art Shell and offensive coordinator Tom Walsh is my theory that Oakland’s latest mind-numbing display is the result of a gameplan based on Aboyning.

Maybe, just maybe, the Raiders four botched snaps were really just elaborate attempts to hide a week passing game by attempting a fumblerooski? It makes sense: following a performance against San Diego where the passing offence spent most of its time ritually sacrficing Aaron Brooks to Chargers linemen, Shell and Walsh decide to pre-empt Baltimore’s pass rush by designing a forced fumble play that will lose the team only 1 yard in passing situations. Sure, you may find this tactic to be pure idiocy if you consider Center to Quarterback exchanges to be a basic competancy in professional football, but I assure you, the Raiders think this is a viable gameplan. The only problem was that the offence even had trouble executing this play.

I’ve tried to endure the bizarre offseason the Raiders conducted. It seemed that Oakland was trying so hard to be unconventional and sub-par that they might actually surprise people. But now that meaningful games are being flittered away due to flat out abysmal play, it’s hard not to condemn the team for what it is: a gong show.