Every time I walk through a store with stoneware or crystal packed into dense and tall mounds of product, I start to get nervous about the damage that would occur if I were to suddenly teeter over like a human domino. Thus, I empathize with this unlucky museum visitor who not only destroyed a priceless artifact accidentally, but also had a photo of his stumble published in a newspaper:
Museum officials in Great Britain are hoping to reassemble a trio of ancient Chinese vases that were shattered after a visitor tripped on his shoelace.The Fitzwilliam Museum at the University of Cambridge is withholding the name of the man, who knocked down the porcelain Qing dynasty vases while trying to steady himself during his fall down a staircase last Wednesday.
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The museum declined to say how much the set is worth, revealing only that the vases held a “significant value.” Conservationists are examining the broken pieces, and museum officials say they hope the shards can be put back together.
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Donated in 1948, the gilded vases date back to the late 17th or early 18th century, and were among the museum’s best-known artifacts. They had been on a windowsill next to the staircase for 40 years.On Monday, U.K. newspaper the Daily Telegraph published a photo — taken by another visitor — of the unnamed man attempting to pick himself up after the accident.
The Telegraph also quotes another visitor who “watched the man fall as if in slow motion. “He was still sitting there stunned when staff appeared … He kept pointing to his shoelace and saying, ‘There it is; that’s the culprit.’” — CBC
Yes, it certainly sounds like a Thank-God-I’m-Not-That-Guy™ moment to me too. Although, I have to admit that accusing your shoelaces with “there it is; that’s the culprit” is a pretty lame attempt at a recovery.
Givin his position, I would probably have pretended to have suffered some sort of anaphylactic shock and would be willing to have epinephrine subsequently injected through my rib cage rather than deal with the embarrassment by pointing to my shoelace like a retard.
As a perpetual clumsy oaf, I also make sure that I am extra careful around things of great value (TOGV).
On a bit of an aside (as well as being pointlessly nitpicky), I see that the sensationalism from Pulp Fiction continues to pollute our views. The epinephrine shot does not need to go into the heart. I have witnessed a person in anaphylactic shock using an EpiPin. It amounted to a quick stab in the thigh.
God, I'm a dingus.
Posted by: Mike on February 1, 2006 1:00 PM
I almost had a moment like that (albeit potentially far less expensive) in one of those high-end kitchen stores. My backpack nearly bumped a shelf full of wine glasses, but some random lady alerted me to what I was doing (politely, no less).
Oddly enough, I'm not afraid of falling over in those places, I'm afraid that I'll have a spontaneous psychotic fit of some kind and run around charging into those narrow shelving units they always use. Or randomly start swinging my arms out violently at the wall displays. Maybe it's claustrophobia, those kitchen stores are all so tightly packed... OK, new theory. Malls are for skinny people only. They obviously don't want anyone wide coming through the kitchen stores. As for the clothing stores, which seem to make up 90% of all malls, sometimes they don't even stock clothes for huskier individuals. Even couch potato type stores like Radio Shaft and EB Games are tightly packed. Even the air conditioning is set to extremely oppose the outdoor temperature, for little twerps who don't have enough mass to regulate their own body temperature. And don't get me started on those weird little porcelaine knick-knack shops... (I appear to be competing with Mike for who can drift furthest while still marginally tethered to the original topic. I'm now issuing an open challenge to all your readers to beat us...)
Posted by: Steve on February 1, 2006 11:36 PM
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