Damn it.

Once again, Canada’s politicians have asked voters to go fishing and, just like in Brokeback Mountain, nobody managed to catch any trout. Another minority government, Conservative instead of Liberal, is hardly a step forward. Once again, federal politics is mired in a legislative standstill that only leads to citizens being screwed in the long run.

But can we really blame the politicians this time? This election’s results speaks volumes about the values of Canadian voters, and not much of it is inspiring:

• 30.22% of voters were cynical enough to excercise their franchise in support of a Liberal party mired in a legitamite corruption scandal.
• 36.25% of voters were either unconcerned or—worse—concerned enough about gay rights to vote for a Conservative party that wants to turn back the clock on gay marriage.
• 17.49% of voters were able to convince themselves that a stronger NDP voice in parliament amounts to a more productive house of commons.

What’s more frightening, voters who are jaded, bigoted or deluded?

Stephen Harper and The Conservative Victory

While this election may be chalked up as win for the Tories, I think any party member would admit that they were anticipating a majority or atleast a stronger minority result during the final phase of the campaign.
The Conservative’s failure to fully capitalize on all the windfalls of this campaign doesn’t make much sense: the Liberal party was on it’s knees. It’s reputation was in tatters thanks to the Gomery inquiry, it’s election campaign was run by nitwits, and Paul Martin seemed to be barely dodging humiliation with every interview and debate.

The Liberals gifted the Conservatives with an unbelievable opportunity to gain a stranglehold on government for even two terms with a strong majority. Instead, Stephen Harper and his social conservative wags held onto their commitment to re-examming gay marriage and wasted a golden chance to form a Conservative government with a strong populist backing. Fundamentalist nitwits would still have supported the Tories if Harper had softened his social conservatism. Instead, the Conservative Party now owns a tenuous grip on a government whose minority strength is weaker than the much-maligned Liberal regime that preceded it.

It’s just dumb that social conservatism cost Harper’s Tories a chance to end the stalemate in federal politics that benefits no one.

Paul Martin

The former Prime Minister reminds me of a 67 year old boy who is trying to maintain his dignity despite being atomic wedgied past his ears. It doesn’t make much sense for Jean Chreatian’s former finance minister to stick around any longer. The Liberal party will hardly consider him to be their version of Ed Broadbent, and does Martin really want to go the route of Joe “I’m an elderly has-been, but I was PM for heartbeat!” Clarke?

It’s sad really. My wife said it perfectly: “Why Paul? You’re rich. You don’t need this. You should be enjoying your golden years.” Instead, Martin has chosen to stick around in parliament, where he will be further browbeaten and left to wither. I’m sure he covets a legitamate chance at being PM, but seriously, that option never did and never will exist for Martin.

How can we feel sorry for you Paul when you’re either too greedy or too dense to realize you’ve sampled about as much of the political pie as you can stomach? Be graceful, retire and then winter in the same tropical tax havens that your ships are registered under.

Belinda Stronach

Dear voters in Newmarket-Aurora: why? Is it because she’s good looking or because you actually believe tripe such as “It’s not where you sit, but where you stand?”

I hope you all realize that your endorsement of a politcal flipper with such transparent delesuions of grandeur does not reflect well on your community. After all, how stupid will you all look once she ineveitably makes a bid as Ontario’s Premier upon failing to claim the Liberal leadership?