It’s time for the second and final english language debate tonight. My prediction is one of pure equilibrium: every leader will fail to varying degrees which will help bring the Liberal vs Conservative race back to a muddy stalemate.

• Each opposition leader will take turns treating Paul Martin like their very own prison bitch. However, this gangbang will ultimately prove unfruitful as the public will find triple penetration of the Prime Minister unseemly enough to feel sorry for him.

• Steven Harper will try his best at looking Prime Ministerial, which has been difficult for any Tory to do since Brian Mulroney did it thanks to a chin the size of New Brunswick. Eventually, Harper’s commitment to his social conservative base will once again endanger his chances of a successful election when he is drawn into a soft social issue that only serves to expose his neolithic social policies.

• Jack Layton will spend the entire debate juggling his party’s claims of relevance, “we’re the fickle balance of power”, with the rather uninspring prospect that his party has about as much chance of forming government as the Green party. Nonetheless, being the head of a mostly insignificant B-list political faction, he is offered enough carte blanche when Martin and Harper are entangled to get an occasional quick jab into either candidate’s ribs.

• Gilles Duceppe simply looks into the camera with his eerie Christopher Walken-esque stare and scares the collective crap out of English Canada. Then, just to be interesting, he rebuts some question about federal policy with enough wit and humour to make anglophones wish their leaders had enough straightforward charm as the scary guy from Quebec.